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on the Windows
Dirt and beets
Two feet walking
Lost and found
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© C Pembroke 2018
Lost and Found
How do you know when something is missing? Does it feel like a constant
quest, wanting more? How do you know when you’ve found it? Does
it sound like a freight train blowing clear on a cold night?
These questions irk me as I reflect on purpose. I have felt a lack of
direction with my artwork. I like the style I have developed, but I don’t
have an urgent call that I rise up in the morning to greet. If I am to
do away with my 9-5 job, I must have a mission that drives what I do.
Beyond making pretty pictures, I want a story.
The cause I am trying on is “beat cancer before it beats me”.
My first impression, it's:
- Relevant. It affects everyone, and it has affected me.
- Dramatic. A disease of excess in a world out of balance.
- Powerful. A life threatening experience opens doors to authenticity.
But it feels awkward to choose a cause without the freight train whistle.
I worry that I am misguiding myself.
- I've felt inspired connection before, my words sounding with eery
confidence deep within, "this could be good", but I haven't
heard the rumble of my spoken words this time.
- With this purpose, I've felt resonance toward someone else's words
"this stops with me" (my mother in regard to her cancer)
- Perhaps it makes sense that an external purpose, one that connects
me to the world, would begin with a resonance between entities, rather
than within one entity? Before was personal, this is public.
My art has a few things to say on the matter:
- A positive overall purpose allows me to enter gray areas, dark and
critical matters. I don't always have to do pretty. That's refreshing.
- My abstract figures want a story, but any old story won't do. They
want something that comes from my heart, that connects with others.
- As long as I allow a world of metaphor and meandering, I won't feel
limited, like I'm cheating my art of visual content. I really want to
keep content wide open within the world of black and white. I should
be able to do that.
Okay,... so next steps:
- Action. Prepare for thanksgiving and share my purpose. Be ready for
- Art. Detect the gravitational pull of my thoughts. Feel for a steady
flow centered around this purpose.
- Writing. Return to the desk. Ensure I am speaking from the right place.
- Marketing. Review what I have. When my conscious finds what my subconsious
knows, the art should fit.
Okay, well I've just about convinced myself. Time to step away and give
this some time. Farewell for now.